Life and Other Mysteries

   I was reading an article from Psychology Today – on The Effect of Technology on Relationships. After taking a few psychology classes in college, I began to wonder how the manifestation of communication via text was going to play out in people’s interpersonal relationships. I went to a technical school where I often times was the only female in many of my engineering and technology courses. It was a strange phenomenon, in that, coming from a liberal arts school to a technical institute there are some pretty significant differences. One of which was the way the guys communicated with a female. Some but of course not all, were more apt to talk via instant messenger and as texting became more popular this was a very easy way of communicating homework assignments and just simply getting to know someone. Up until that point, I was more use to face to face contact; ultimately, I adapted to this form of communication. After all, everyone was doing it. (bad choice of words but it is the truth) I found that guys were more apt to talk to me via instant messenger as opposed to speaking with me outside the classroom. They seemed to be more open and less afraid to talk about difficult subject matters. Once they got to know me then we would hang out and talk after classes. However, admittedly it is more difficult to start off a friendship in this manner because it becomes comfortable to speak through means of a keyboard than it is face to face. It’s easier to ward off any uncomfortable subject matters. It can be easier to collect your thoughts more concisely, which is why I like to use text more than verbal. I am a much better communicator when writing as opposed to verbally expressing myself. However, I have seen the contrast when starting off relationships with someone in person with less technology involved; these relationships tend to last a whole lot longer and are a lot more meaningful. I suppose it forces you to learn how to communicate effectively with that person.

         This article by Dr. Lickerman suggests that people do, as I mentioned above, tend to avoid emotional conflict through using technology as a means for communication. It makes confrontation a whole lot easier. However, the drawback is that people do not get the opportunity to see the emotional transaction which takes place during normal face to face communication. It is a way to distance yourself from the conflict at hand rather than really dealing with it. As a byproduct, we can ultimately stunt our own personal growth by dealing with conflicts and people in this manner. 

The article went on to state that we can also miss the power of laughter whereby causing a deficit in our social and emotional lives. In that, laughter can be the up lifter of our spirit when we are down in the dumps. Actually, letting out a laugh and hearing it can be beneficial to us as opposed to just using LOL. It obviously looses something in translation for sure! Imagine missing out on a time when you and your friends can’t stop laughing over something silly and just as one stops laughing the other starts back up again. This is one of those joyful moments that you can look back at and reminisce about that moment of “remember when….”

I came across this verse and thought it was perfect to interject here: Proverbs 16:24 “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

         In addition, the article covers the dangers of a person isolating themselves from the physical world around them. They become more interested in the amount of friends they have on facebook or instagram as a means for self validation. Often times, these internet relationships can be very shallow “friendships” and simply cannot substitute for interaction in the real world. They can ultimately isolate themselves by thinking online relationships are real world relationships. Isolation in general is a real concern to psychologists who are interested in perpetuating healthy individuals and developing healthy life habits.

         I think it is pretty clear that people can get a sense of false comfort through the use of technology as a means for having relationships with people. I think it would be very interesting to see a lot more research on this particular subject matter. I know that I myself am as guilty as any in this regard – I find it so much easier to use technology but the end result doesn’t always yeild the positive outcome that is hoped for. Interestingly, I never really looked at it negatively; until really giving it some careful consideration in regards to personal growth. There needs to be always be a healthy balance in life and too much of anything is never a good thing.

Interestingly, God did not call us to isolate ourselves but rather live in community. We need each other to lean on in times of difficulty, to encourage each other, to sharpen each other and spur each other on when we otherwise would have given up. We do that by getting into each others lives, talking to one another and sharing our burdens. The best way to do this is face to face and not behind a phone.

“Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” James 5:16

“As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” Proverbs 27:17

Take this challenge for your life and go meet people face to face, share life, laugh and watch as transformation happens in your life!